A Turning Point & A Heavenly Perspective

About a year ago, my path took a profound turn. I happened to come across a short video about end-of-life doula work, and my first thought was, "I can do that." I watched the video again and knew that it was for me. Without even praying about it first, God brought me instant confirmation. My prayer to Him became, "Why?" I’m not sure what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn't what He showed me.

​He told me that His people have the wrong perspective about death. He said that in this season, it is important for His people to get heaven’s perspective of death—because if they don't, when death comes, they will be derailed, and His children cannot afford to be derailed in this season. I told Him that He was going to have to teach me. And while He is still doing so, I want to share what He has shown me thus far.

​Discovering Eternal Value

​While writing a birthday card to my sister—who had a twin brother named Adam who didn't survive birth—the Lord reminded me that it was Adam's birthday, too. To be honest, I had never given it much thought before, though I had heard my sister speak about how not having him here had affected her. As I sat and reflected, the Lord showed me that just because Adam did not live to breathe a day on this earth did not change the fact that God had a plan, a purpose, a calling, and an assignment for him (Jeremiah 1:5). It did not change the truth that His plans for Adam are those of hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

​Adam will still live to accomplish everything that God has written in the book of his life (Psalm 139:16). He was still God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for him to do (Ephesians 2:10). The only thing that changed was where those works were to take place. This was quite an eye-opener for me. After losing a nephew and a nanny child so early in their lives, it brought me deep comfort to know that their stories were not over—they just received a transfer and completed their assignment in heaven.

​Holding Space Without Judgment

​In my training as a pediatric end-of-life doula, we were confronted with many real-life scenarios that opened our eyes to the delicate emotional and ethical situations surrounding end-of-life care and the hard decisions that have to be made. We are taught to hold space and not to judge, because each family has to choose what is right for them and what it means for their child to live and die well. Some will exhaust every life-saving measure up to the end, and some will choose to focus on comfort over cure— both decisions are right, as every situation is unique.

​In a recent class on neonatal palliative care, I was challenged when confronted with the story of an infant whose parents chose to focus on comfort over invasive, life-prolonging, or possibly life-threatening interventions. I found myself asking if I could do that. Could I choose that if it was my child? Could I support a family well in this situation? While I don't struggle with an adult having a DNR, could I be in full support of a child with a DNR?

​To say I cried was an understatement. But I will never forget what I heard the Lord say to me at that moment. He told me, "You only value a life lived out here on earth. You have no value for the eternal."

​He was right. I wrongly believed that for a life to have value, it had to have a prolonged presence here on earth—that there had to be an earthly legacy, even if brief. I am so thankful that He showed me this. I now have a newfound understanding and value for every life, including those who never take their first breath. Our life here on earth is only a brief open chapter of an eternal existence. A child whose life continues in heaven is living out the eternal purpose God set in their heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

​Earth is temporary; the life lived in heaven is the lasting, eternal reality. A life that transitions to heaven hasn't lost its value—it has stepped into the full, eternal weight of God's presence (2 Corinthians 4:17–18).

​Walking Together

​In all of this, I am reminded of when King David lost his infant child. Scripture shows that David didn’t bypass grief - the Hebrew text reveals that while his child was sick, David entered a period of deep sorrow, fasting, weeping, and laying on the ground, pouring out his heart to God. He experienced the raw weight of grief and intercession. But when he learned his son had passed, David recognized that his time for crying out for physical healing had ended. He got up, washed, changed his clothes, and worshiped God - not because he was indifferent to the loss, but because he had already poured out his grief in deep mourning and now surrendered to God’s ultimate will, anchoring his heart in the hope of a future reunion in heaven. (2 Samuel 12:15–23). I believe David held God’s perspective on both the pain of loss and the promise of eternity.

​To say I am where King David was, would be a lie. But I pray that as I continue this journey with each of you, God will strengthen us, so we are not derailed by loss, and teach us what it looks like to honor our deepest grief while learning to view loss through Heaven’s perspective.

 Blessings,

Deborah

Professional Experience & Qualifications:

• 19 Years as a Private Nanny & Infant Care Specialist: Deep, hands-on experience providing continuous in-home support, routine management, and nurturing care for infants and young children.

•  7 Years of Clinical Background (Former CMA): Former Certified Medical Assistant, bringing strong clinical awareness, observation skills, and comfort in medical environments to everyday home care.

• Specialized End-of-Life & Palliative Training

• Pediatric End-of-Life Doula Certificate | University of Vermont

• ICPCN (International Children’s Palliative Care Network) Certificates of Completion:

  • Neonatal Palliative Care: An Introduction

  • End-of-Life Care in Children’s Palliative Care

  • Symptoms Other Than Pain in Pediatric Palliative Care

  • Grief and Bereavement in Children’s Palliative Care

  • Communicating with Children & Emotional Issues

  • Child Development & Play in Children’s Palliative Care